Chelsea allow Scott Sinclair to join Swansea

Chelsea have allowed winger Scott Sinclair to join Championship side Swansea City on a three-year deal.

The 21-year-old moves to the Liberty Stadium for an initial fee of £500,000, although that could rise to £1million depending on add-ons relating to the club’s future success.

Swans boss Brendan Rodgers, who knows Sinclair from his time in charge of the academy and reserve teams at Stamford Bridge, said:“Scott is obviously a player I know well and I’m delighted to sign him.

“It’s a massive coup for us because he’s a big talent and has been a sought-after player since he broke on to the scene.

“As far as I’m concerned, there’s no better place for him than Swansea City. With this group of players, style of football, fantastic fans and a manager who knows him well, this will be a great club for his development.

“He’s only 21 and still has big potential. I think this will be a good home for him, where he can come and play and realise that full potential because I know what he is capable of.

“He’s a great signing for the present and the future and joins a group of exciting young players that includes the likes Joe Allen, David Cotterill and Nathan Dyer.”

Sinclair made 14 appearances for Chelsea but made his name during a loan spell at Plymouth Argyle where he found the net four times in ten starts and eight substitute appearances.

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He has also enjoyed loan spells at QPR, Charlton Athletic, Crystal Palace, Birmingham City and Wigan Athletic in the last three years.

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Ryan Giggs shouldn’t contemplate such a move

When it became clear that Wales manager John Toshack would be leaving his post, a host of names were linked with the position. Tony Pulis, Chris Coleman, Brian Flynn were the front-runners along with Manchester United legend Ryan Giggs. Even though Giggs has no managerial experience, he quickly became the fan’s choice for the role, as they hoped he would bring some spark back to an already troubled campaign and a Wales camp which has been less than dynamic in the past few years. His lack of experience did not seem to put off the Welsh FA, with The Sun quoting a FAW insider as stating,

“Ryan has always been seen as the long-term replacement. He would certainly galvanise the players. He could be offered a deal where he could carry on playing.”

Whilst his association are keen, should Giggs himself consider taking the post at this point in his career?

The main obstacle to Ryan Giggs taking the job is that he is still playing football. Giggs has shown sublime form for the past few seasons and continued to prove that for him age truly is just a number, with himself and Paul Scholes being two of United’s best performers so far this season. His club manager Sir Alex Ferguson shares this belief, The Sun quotes,

“I spoke to him and it will not happen. We have to be selfish here – I am not even prepared to negotiate on the matter. At his age, Ryan needs to use all his energy and concentration to be here.”

Ferguson’s words have seemingly put an end to Welsh hopes that Giggs would take over as manager. But at this moment, it may not be such a bad thing. If Giggs were to take the job now his mind would be in two places, on his playing career and his managerial career and it is not unlikely his form for both would suffer as a result. If he took the Wales job it would be his first one in management and he would need his full concentration on the task in hand to commit himself fully to the job and learn from his experiences. Ryan Giggs has stated that he would like to manage Wales one day, but this opportunity has come around that little bit too soon.

There is nothing to stop Giggs becoming manager of Wales in the future, and you get the sense that it will almost inevitably happen at some point. When Giggs retires from his playing career, whenever that may be, it could be a very wise move for the Welsh FA to give him a job as assistant, as long as circumstances permitted it. This would give him vital experience of what it takes to manage internationally and Giggs would be better placed to take over when the time came.

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Ryan Giggs is almost certainly not going to take the role of manager of Wales at this moment in his life. His playing career is still going strong and you would not put it past him to have another year of football after the end of this season. Wales fans should not be disheartened however that their number one choice is not going to take over now, because I think it is likely that at some point in the future Ryan Giggs will become manager of Wales. The wait will surely be worth it for the fans, and for Giggs himself.

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More like Easy Street than Green Street! The Chelsea Football FanCast #129

We’re still top of the league and having a laugh, as Chelsea dispatched West Ham on Saturday in yet another match without breaking sweat. A nice little run out before our first Champions League match this week. And, all this without Super Frank Lampard.

The boys discuss Michael Essien being on fire with 2 headed goals, Ramires getting his first start in a Chelsea shirt, and Kakuta coming on after 76 minutes. As well as Kalou’s comedy goal, JT’s rib injury and Mikel’s continued good performances in midfield. But is there a lingering doubt that it is all a bit easy at the moment and will Chelsea be able to go up through the gears when we play better teams?

As well as discussing all the key issues from the game and the upcoming trip to the delights of Slovakia this week, we’ll be awarding our Man of the Match; Chant of the Match; Celery and Guinness moments. And we reveal the winner of our Goal of the month and Player of the month for August.

Just when you thought we were about to give up singing a classic song, we’ve found a new source so don’t get rid of your earplugs just yet. One of Big Phil Norman’s favourites gets an airing in the show!

Even though we have no Dr in the surgery this week, we still answer your questions in a bumper-two-part-longest-ever Dear Mart including questions on the Special One, squad depth, player songs, how to make your girl friend rather appreciative when confronted with celery and other methods, ably answered by ChelTel’s most inappropriate time and place to sing a Chelsea song. All will be revealed and not for the feint hearted!

The Chelsea Football FanCast: More like Easy Street than Green Street!

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Jamie Carragher calls for Liverpool patience

Liverpool defender Jamie Carragher has urged concerned fans to be patient with under-pressure manager Roy Hodgson.

Following a disastrous start to the season, the former Fulham manager finds himself in the spotlight just three months into his Anfield reign.

The Reds are languishing down in 19th place in the Premier League table after winning just one of their first eight matches and losing to both rivals Manchester United and Everton.

They were also dumped out of the Carling Cup by League Two opposition last month in a further blow.

But despite Hodgson funding himself under pressure, long-serving defender Carragher has stressed the need for patience.

Speaking ahead of Thursday's Europa League clash with Napoli in Italy, he said:"It is very early days in the season and there is a lot of time to go.

"It hasn't always been rosy playing for Liverpool. Last season wasn't great and I remember going 12 games without a win under Gerard Houllier, so it has not always been plain sailing.

"It is a little rocky patch we are going through at the moment but as long as the players, manager and supporters all stick together it won't be a problem.

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"The spirit in the dressing room is fine but you don't have to be a rocket scientist to work out if you win games it is a lot better.

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Celtic’s One Consistency – Inconsistency!

The dust is just beginning to settle from yet another controversial and action packed Old Firm encounter. The time has now come to take stock and consider whether Celtic can really use referee Willie Collum’s mistakes as a way of justifying defeat, or has the result proved that Neil Lennon has got some way to go before he can establish Celtic as Scotland’s premier team.

A 3-1 defeat always hurts, but to lose to your bitter rivals makes it all the worse. It is no wonder that many of those affiliated with the Glasgow club are clutching at straws and trying to find excuses. Evidence of clutching at straws was abundantly clear at Mcdiarmid Park, Perth last night when Celtic enjoyed a whirlwind start with some attractive and attacking football predominantly down the wings only to be brought back down to earth by the inadequacy of the defence, particularly Glenn Loovens. The unfortunate stopper also scored an own goal against Rangers at the weekend, ultimately proving to be Celtic’s downfall.

In light of defensive frailties Neil Lennon still has a fair amount of work to do to turn Celtic around. These defensive woes are not a new problem this season. They have been well documented and it would suggest that the problem is bigger than first thought. As said many times before, the root of Celtic’s problems are in the nervy centre back pairing of Loovens and Daniel Majstorovic.

Another reality check which demonstrates that Neil Lennon still has some work to do is the frightfully lacklustre and tame performance of the entire team in the second half of Sunday’s Old Firm encounter. It was surprising to see a Neil Lennon team so docile during a match of such importance: “Where Lennon had no leaders on the park, Walter Smith had 11 and they ended this game so comfortably on top that it must have made the Celtic manager’s skin itch.” It is worrying that this Celtic team was incapable of rising to the challenge knowing the importance of this particular derby game.

As for Willie Collum, although he did not have the best of games and his decisions were not the correct ones, it would be wrong for Celtic fans to use him as a scapegoat and in some way justify defeat. It does not take a genius to see that Celtic’s performance highlights greater problems within the team than Willie Collum’s poor refereeing. Yes decisions did not go Celtic’s way, but in a game of such magnitude and meaning Celtic, and their fans, should never rely on a referee’s decisions in order to win.

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No English representation on award shortlist

England has failed to provide a single player on the 23-man shortlist for this year's FIFA's Ballon d'Or award.

Spain's World Cup winning squad dominates the list of nominees, with Barcelona quartet Xavi, Andres Iniesta, Carles Puyol and David Villa headlining their seven entrants.

Three Premier League players in Sunderland's Ghana international Asamoah Gyan, Ivory Coast striker Didier Drogba of Chelsea and Arsenal's Spanish midfielder Cesc Fabregas are in the running.

However, there are no English players on a shortlist which will be whittled down to just three candidates next month.

FIFA's Ballon d'Or award is a new combination of the traditional France Football magazine Ballon d'Or accolade and its World Player of the Year award.

Barcelona and Argentina star Lionel Messi currently holds both following a glittering last 12 months.

He alongside the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo of Real Madrid and Internazionale's Wesley Sneijder are the frontrunners for this year's prize.

Meanwhile, Jose Mourinho headlines the candidates for the inaugural World Coach of the Year award after guiding Inter to Champions League glory last season.

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World Player of the Year nominees: Xabi Alonso (Spain), Daniel Alves (Brazil), Iker Casillas (Spain), Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal), Didier Drogba (Ivory Coast), Samuel Eto'o (Cameroon), Cesc Fabregas (Spain), Diego Forlan (Uruguay), Asamoah Gyan (Ghana), Andres Iniesta (Spain), Julio Cesar (Brazil), Miroslav Klose (Germany), Philipp Lahm (Germany), Maicon (Brazil), Lionel Messi (Argentina), Thomas Muller (Germany), Mesut Ozil (Germany), Carles Puyol (Spain), Arjen Robben (Holland), Bastian Schweinsteiger (Germany), Wesley Sneijder (Holland), David Villa (Spain) and Xavi (Spain).

World Coach of the Year nominees: Carlo Ancelotti (Chelsea), Vicente del Bosque (Spain), Sir Alex Ferguson (Manchester United), Pep Guardiola (Barcelona), Joachim Low (Germany), Jose Mourinho (Inter Milan/Real Madrid), Oscar Tabarez (Uruguay), Louis Van Gaal (Bayern Munich), Bert van Marwijk (Holland) and Arsene Wenger (Arsenal).Subscribe to Football FanCast News Headlines by Email

City’s sudden wealth seems to have the reverse effect on some supporters

Football is of course a game of opinions. We rate players differently, we rate games differently, and we have hugely different perspectives on managers. You have to accept that not everyone will agree with you, it’s a broad church and all that, and it partly makes the game what it is.

But sometimes, you just begin to lose faith in those around you. Sometimes you begin to wonder why you bother.

There has been a groundswell of opinion in (some parts of) the media in the last few weeks that Roberto Mancini was under pressure, with his job at risk, after having a bad fortnight. A week may be a long time in politics, two of them in football can often feel like a lifetime when the knives are out.

Many ridiculous viewpoints have developed over the past year – the main one being the feeling that having spent (very) big we should now sweep all before us aside – this is clearly drivel, as no signings guarantee you success, and many of our signings were not made for short-term gain. Balotelli, Boateng, Kolarov, Silva etc are here to play now, but to develop also – part of their transfer fees is for potential, not for current status. Of all City’s big summer signings, only Yaya Toure is over 24. And needless to say, players often need time to settle – a big price tag does not change that, a fact some struggle to comprehend.

While 34 years of incompetence have given me a certain amount of patience and trust that the good times are going to come at some point soon, our sudden wealth seems to have the reverse effect on some of the City faithful. They seem to expect glory now. Anything less is unacceptable.

The other piece of tripe regularly wheeled out amongst a minority of City fans is that we should get Mourinho in. Or maybe Hiddink, or another random name, who would obviously come, because it’s that simple. We approach Real Madrid, and they gracefully accept we want their manager, and Mourinho thinks about it before quickly realising that City is the only place for him.

That’s the problem usually when certain fans want a manager out – they either have no credible suggestion for a better replacement, or their suggestions are so unrealistic they don’t merit discussion. And let’s face it, if any team could destroy Mourinho’s reputation, the smart money would be on City. He’d end up in a care home, sat in a rocking chair staring vacantly out of a window, muttering under his breath about the time he won the Champions League.

Of course, spending money does raise expectations – that is a given – we should be improving. But the fact is we are – at time of writing we are 4th, 3 points clear of 5th. But no amount of money allows you to go directly to Go. Real Madrid went out of the Champions League in the 2nd round 6 years on the trot. All the money in the world couldn’t get them a league title in recent years. This isn’t an excuse for City to underperform, but to reiterate the point that irrelevant of how much money we spend, City’s growth will be slow and gradual – you cannot build a title-winning team overnight.

There was barely a City fan at the start of the season who thought we would challenge for the title – that’s next year, providing we meet our clear target this year – getting 4th or above. That’s what Mancini will, and should be, judged on. And please don’t suggest that he thinks we’ll win the title because he said just that in an earlier press conference – what do you expect him to say?! No, we’ve got no chance?!

The pro-Hughes camp in the national press have repeatedly reported the fact that Mancini has no more points than Hughes had last year at this stage. Of course this is irrelevant as Hughes wasn’t sacked this time last year – he was sacked just before Christmas after a seemingly endless run of poor draws and a shocking defeat at Spurs, and more to the point, Mancini is the owners’ appointment. They also never mention the points per game average, which is much higher for Mancini. Hughes has won four of his last twenty-four premiership games – make of that what you will.

And then there was the Manchester derby. And the calls for Mancini to go got stronger. Being a glass half-full kinda guy I am always happy not to lose to United – it’s in my genetic make-up. Others weren’t so happy though – the predictable criticisms of “spent £300m and can’t even attack” rang out from City and non-City fans alike.

Continued on Page TWO

Apart from the fact it was a single game, this vitriol partly developed due to another single, steaming turd-like lie that has been allowed to develop over the past year – namely that United are a spent force.

You know, the team currently second in the league, four points behind the team widely expected to walk away with the league this season. You know the team that hasn’t lost a game this season. That spent force. The team that miraculously dragged itself off its collective sick-bed to somehow play 90 minutes football on Wednesday.

The team that will no doubt compete for the league again, get to the latter stages of the Champions League, and maybe pick up a domestic cup as well – this is a team that is a spent force. And many City fans believe this – say it enough times and it becomes fact to them, irrelevant of the evidence.

Of course this is not the strongest United team of the Ferguson era. The Glazer debt has hampered their spending and opportunities to strengthen the team. But to think that they are already a spent force is laughable, and ignorant. Sorry City fans, they’re not going anywhere.

But no, many believed that United were “there for the taking”. That if we had attacked them all match, we would have ripped them to shreds. As I said, laughable.

But the idiots who want Mancini out not only disappoint me, they anger me – I wish they would sod off and support another club, to be perfectly honest. Because let’s face it, if it wasn’t Mancini, it would be someone else. These people are there at every match – every little pocket of the ground has at least one of them. Criticising the team for every misplaced pass, shouting abuse, and of course offering their own expert tactical analysis, because as we all know they could do a far better job themselves. They always have a set scapegoat (or two, or three) as well, who can do no right however well he might play.

Of course no manager is above criticism, and nor is any player. Mancini isn’t perfect, far from it, and has made mistakes. The team has not gelled properly yet, some of the players have been more successful than others, some games have brought disappointing performances. But this blog is not really about that.

I’m not interested in how long it took Ferguson to win something at United, how Mourinho turns around any team instantly, how much we have spent, how many defensive midfielders we have, Mancini’s record against that of Hughes, how much merit his Inter titles had, blah blah blah.

There is only one stat that really needs quoting. Since Alex Ferguson took over the reins at Old Trafford, Manchester City have had 18 (eighteen) managers.

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Jimmy Frizzell, Mel Machin, Tony Book, Howard Kendall, Peter Reid, Tony Book (again), Brian Horton, Alan Ball, Asa Hartford, Steve Coppell, Phil Neal, Frank Clark, Joe Royle, Kevin Keegan, Stuart Pearce, Sven-Goran Eriksson, Mark Hughes and of course Roberto Mancini.

Just For Men could make a fortune out of those guys.

After every dismissal, the fans thought the next appointment would be the one that would help City turn a corner, push on, bring in some silverware.

Every manager failed to being in some silverware (pre-season games don’t count, sadly).

All I am interested in is that for just once, my football club learns from its history, and finally decides to stick with a manager, and doesn’t make another regretful decision based on our constant policy of having a short-term outlook because of a media-led campaign and a few pathetic whingers on football message boards.  Not that the board have shown the slightest hint of getting rid of Mancini – but if certain journalists and keyboard warriors had their way, he’d be gone tomorrow.

It’s just a shame we can’t do the same with some of our fans. The fans that want our manager to go whilst our team sits in fourth place in the table. Any City fan, irrelevant of their opinion of Mancini, should not want another manager dismissed. Unfortunately, it is those people that always seem to make the most noise. As the stadium announcer says after revealing the crowd each match – thanks for your tremendous support.

Written By Howard Hockin

Wigan and Villa to share the spoils?

Almost every Aston Villa fan would have accepted at the start of this campaign that a high league finish was going to be a major challenge this season. Whilst cup success was partnered by decent performances in the league under Martin O’Neill the comparative lack of strength in depth through the Villa squad was always going to hamper attempts to break into the upper echelons on the division.

That said, just how laboured Villa have looked at times this season has shocked many, particularly as this weekend’s battle at the DW stadium has the look of a relegation six pointer about it.

Wigan have stopped shipping goals in the fashion they did earlier on in the campaign, however they have struggled to score enough themselves to pull away from an incredibly tight relegation battle.

Both sides, Villa in particular, will be eyeing the coming weeks with a certain sense of dread, particularly with a series of season defining fixtures on the horizon. Gerard Houllier is desperate to supplement his inexperienced squad with some proven match winners, and the current soft-centred Villa defence may well gift Wigan a pre-Christmas point.

Prediction: 1-1

[poll ]

You can get odds of 5/1 on a 1-1 draw

Leonardo: Inter must target title

Despite his side having yet to fully recover from a poor start to the season, Leonardo insists Inter Milan can still win the Serie A title.The reigning champions faltered early under Rafa Benitez, who had taken over from treble-winning manager Jose Mourinho in the off-season.

Benitez and Inter parted ways on December 23, with Leonardo inheriting a team in seventh and 13 points behind league-leaders AC Milan.

Inter have won their first three Serie A games since his arrival and climbed to sixth, but are still nine points behind their fierce rivals.

But with two games in hand, Leonardo believes they can still successfully defend the title they won under Jose Mourinho last season.

And, ahead of Wednesday’s home clash with Cesena, the Brazilian – who ironically played and managed at AC Milan – has urged his players to share his faith.

“I think it is impossible for Inter Milan not to think about an important objective, regardless how difficult it is to achieve it,” Leonardo said.

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“It’s like (former Formula 1 champion Ayrton) Senna having problems with the car and starting from position 25 – he would still focus on winning the race. It’s impossible not to think about it. It’s in Inter Milan’s DNA. We haven’t established it now, it has always been so. Having said that, we should focus on one match after the other.”

“The most important match for us is tomorrow’s match against Cesena, because we would have the chance to be in the position of battling for the championship. So we should play a good match. The team has understood this. They have always known this and have always done their best.”

Eat your heart out Perez, the original Galacticos are back!

The mid-70s were a simpler, care free, less responsible time. Much so for me as I’d failed to be born yet, an excuse for irresponsibility which unfortunately doesn’t work nearly as well now. For those that had been however the joy of moustaches, the Nolan Sisters and football hooliganism awaited. Manchester United had been relegated, Brian Clough had spent 44 days at Leeds, Liverpool’s relentless era of dominance was about to begin and George Best had left English football to play for the Jewish Guild in apartheid South Africa for reasons absolutely no one understands even now. If you lived in America however, the glitz and glamour of swinging sixties football was coming to your shores in the form of the North American Soccer League.

The USA’s first attempt to lure the great and the good of World football to a succession of preposterously monikered clubs was in part a bizarre failure, but in part a surreal success, most notably in the caliber of stars it attracted. Johan Cruyff, Gerd Muller, George Best, Eusebio, Gordon Banks, Johan Neeskens, Alan Ball, Peter Beardsley, Geoff Hurst and many others graced the league during it’s 16 year tenure, and none more notably than at the New York Cosmos, where the likes of Carlos Alberto, Franz Beckenbauer and most famously Pele, spurred them on to five “Soccer Bowl” titles (though not all with that prestigious line up.)

Mostly due to Pele’s involvement, the Cosmos became a relatively famous name in football, playing to a regular crowd of over 45,000 at their peak in a strip designed by Ralph Lauren. However the success of the NASL never quite matched that of its flagship side. Whilst the Cosmos sold out Giants stadium’s 73,000 capacity for their 1978 championship victory, the league itself never averaged over 15,000. When the League collapsed in 1983, the Cosmos moved to the Indoor Leagues, but soon disbanded completely.

However general manager G.Peppe Pinton – who sounds like the kind of man that runs a malt liquor business and never takes his cowboy hat off – continued to run the club’s youth camps (which they’d begun in ‘77 as an attempt to move the side – and the league – away from it’s reliance on ageing foreign stars) and operated them under the Cosmos name. Despite several post MLS attempts by clubs in the New York area to resurrect the name – specifically by the MetroStars and Red Bulls, who are actually the same club, which is admittedly confusing, but the nature of American sports franchises – Pinton held fast and refused, believing they simply wouldn’t respect the legacy of the name. Or perhaps change it to something else at the behest of a soft drink peddler a season later.

In 2009 however, a ragtag group of English businessmen, which included Tottenham’s former vice Chairman, Liverpool’s former CEO and David Beckham’s personal manager and a former England masseuse, managed to secure the rights from Pinton with a view to resurrecting the club wholesale. In August 2010 Pele was announced as the club’s honorary president and the reboot was made official. To further strengthen the historical link his 70s Cosmos strike partner and NASL all time top scorer Giorgio Chinaglia was named as International ambassador, a role that might prove problematic for Chinaglia, considering he’s currently hiding out in the States from an Italian arrest warrant for fiddling Lazio shares.

Fast-forward six months and nothing much had emerged from camp Cosmos. Until Wednesday that is, when in the true spirit of their original galactico incarnation, they appointed Eric Cantona as Director of Soccer in a blaze of slightly ironic publicity, and announced their goal to enter the MLS in 2013 (the earliest a new franchise – which would be the 20th – could potentially join under MLS rules.)

King Eric’s return to football has long been heralded by the kind of idiotic fans who think the playing traits of their former heroes are in any way indicative of their managerial skills, but the man himself has always been rather aloof on the subject. Cantona retired in 1997 to spend more time pondering existential matters with a beard and occasionally popping up in films but said recently that it’d need something “extraordinary” to rekindle his love for the game. Putting aside all my deeply cynical instincts, it’s possible that this could be it. In his statement on the club website – aside a gloriously regal picture of him posing gallicaly on a throne – he’s claimed the opportunity presents itself as a “kind of mix between football and art” and a “wonderful project…beautifully made.” He continues by saying that “In addition to my artistic engagements, I will do everything that I can to help us find our way to regain the number 1 position in the United States, and then for us to become one of the best clubs in the world over the coming years.”

Despite the rather obvious comic potential of his closing argument, one does tend to wonder what these “artistic engagements” may be. Have they promised to let him re-design the club logo? Will he be painting player portraits? Is he going to be making some kind of surrealist avant garde documentary film on the nature of resurrection to be played in an as yet to be built cubist club museum? Who knows, but part of his remit does include player recruitment, so this grande projet d’art most likely consists of his assembly of the world’s most beautiful football team, which knowing Cantona may well extend to a few ballerinas, circus gymnasts and experimental performance artists to boot.

So this is how the Cosmos have re-introduced themselves to the 21st century, as a galactico team with a legacy. There are even rumblings that Beckham himself, free from his Galaxy contract by 2012, will join the circus that already includes his personal manager and boyhood mentor. Florentino Perez would be proud. But would G. Peppe Pinton? Ironically the one thing the Cosmos were trying to distance themselves from at the time of their extinction is the one thing that’s brought them back.

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If King Eric can learn anything from his time at Manchester United, it’s how well the kids who grew up around him looked after the house after he’d gone, and how well they continue to – in the form of Giggs and Scholes – two decades later. He, and they, and we should hope, for the sake of the Cosmos themselves, and any hope they have of standing the test of time as a lasting brand, let alone one of the “biggest clubs in the world”, that there’s more Pinton than Perez in the resurrection of this once iconic club.

You can follow Oscar on Twitter here http://twitter.com/oscarpyejeary where you can claim to have known him before he becomes rich and famous ….and then claim to have known him when he was rich and famous before he becomes bloated, big headed, drug addled and washed up….And then you can throw stuff at him and say “you’ve changed man”

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